author: niplav, created: 2022-03-12, modified: 2022-12-11, language: english, status: in progress, importance: 2, confidence: log
Und wohl mir, daß ichs darf und kann!
Geht's Mädchen mir vorüber,
Ruf'ts laut in mir, du bist ein Mann!
Und küsse sie so lieber.
Und röter wird das Mädchen dann,
Und's Mieder wird ihr enge.
Das Mädchen weiß, ich bin ein Mann,
Drum wird ihr's Mieder enge.
Wie wird sie erst um Gnade schrein,
Ertapp' ich sie im Bade?
Ich bin ein Mann, das fällt ihr ein,
Wie schrie sie sonst um Gnade!
— Friedrich Schiller, “Männerwürde”, 1805
I approached her during a Saturday daygame session with a wing. Probably in her late twenties, dressed kind of weirdly (dark grayish green coat and pants). When I started talking to her, I started stacking about her outfit, and suggested that she was probably off to mountaineering.
She took the hooks perfectly, and I was already internally fist-pumping, but then she started talking non-stop about her hiking trip to a holy mountain in Tibet, and how 10 people had died there when ascending the mountain against the better advice of the locals. I've never had any experience like this in set: she went on rambling for probably 3 minutes (those of you who have done daygame approaches know that this is super uncommon, and only happens if either the women is super into you or crazy—possibly both).
When I got talking again, she compulsively opened and closed her jacket probably five times, bending her body weirdly to do so (I am pretty sure it was not intended to be sexy).
I got her number, and went back to my wing to pour my heart out about how confusing the experience had been (it is hard for me to convey how high her schizo-energy had been over text, but believe me: it was frightening).
I messaged her a day or two later:
Me: “Hi […], it was cool meeting you yesterday. Are you always this friendly to strangers 😉?”
Excellent texting from her side.
I left it at that, both considering that she didn't seem like she could consent to anything, and also fearing for the health of my reproductive organs in the event that we would meet up.
I approached her in the same session as the schizo woman, a bit later. She was a student on an exchange program, and only in the city for a short while. Quite giggly, and just blazing with feminine energy and playfulness — one of those women who are maybe a high seven looks wise (not dressed very stylishly, but she was quite pretty), but who boost their attractiveness with their personality. She is the only "nine" I have approached so far (out of ~350 approaches). Most of that attractiveness comes from her behavior, building on a solid foundation of physical cuteness.
Pseudo-psychoanalyzing myself a bit, I think I was attracted to her so much because she looked & behaved a bit like the first and only girl I fell in Love with (as in capital L, the stuff that is comparable to psychoactive substances in intensity).
I was probably too nerdy in the approach, talking about the French existentialists, and guessing she studied philosophy. I also exited the approach too quickly, and asked "Why?" when she said she didn't want to give me her contact details, but in a non-playful way (something like "I bet you've never had a [country] […] lover before!" would have been much better). I was smitten after the approach.
She was on. She was enjoying the approach, or perhaps just the attention. But she was on.
As Nash always says:
I'm out on with a wing in a kind of trashy mall not far from where I live (in an area with low socio-economic status, and high crime). I see a young woman (maybe 19 or 20 years old?) walking by and get on the escalator, after half a second of hesitation (I'd not seen her well) I go for it.
I get on the escalator behind her, she doesn't see me. On the top floor it's usually much less busy, I let her walk a couple meters until I wheel in front of her and stop her. She has a kind of funky style: flowing pants and a orange/red jacket with wide shoulders, plus several nose rings. I open the standard LDM way, and then start stacking:
Me: […] but what I noticed about you was the jacket, it looks like you've been rejected as a member from a biker gang.
Her (completely seriously): I actually am a member of a biker gang, I like to stab men.
Me: [half a second of actually believing her and getting kind of spooked, followed by the thought that this is a way of her telling me to bugger off]
Me (stuttering): Huh, okay… then you're not really interested. Have a nice day.
Her (smiling): You too! Thanks for the compliment :-)
I went back to my wing and told him what had occurred, he immediately pick up on the fact that she was just shit-testing me. My vibe simply wasn't strong enough to handle it (it's been the strongest shit test I've ever gotten by far).
I am seriously impressed by this. Her delivery of the shit test was masterful, casual yet with conviction, completely improvised given my opener (I think she might've actually interrupted me, but I'm not sure). She was just very good at bantering, much better than I am. Very masculine delivery as well, my (sadly underdeveloped) bisexual side now kinda wants to get pegged by her.
I have to admit honorable defeat, and was joking to my wing about becoming her student for bantering.
What might I've said as a response? (Not that I expect to be able to deflect this kind of test anytime in the near future, and four days later you're always wittier)
For a couple of earlier sessions at the same mall I'd carried a knife with me because I'd been threatened by a guy with a knife on public transport, but this time I didn't (but imagine her eyes if I'd opened my jacket and showed her the knife with the words "cool, wanna take this outside?").
What an experience. I am impressed.
In each case, the fundamental principle is that the hacker asks: “here I have a system W, which pretends to be made out of a few Xs; however, it is really made out of many Y, which form an entirely different system, Z; I will now proceed to ignore the X and understand how Z works, so I may use the Y to thereby change W however I like”.
—Gwern Branwen, “On Seeing Through and Unseeing: The Hacker Mindset”, 2021
She was the last stop on a 4-hour 13-approach spree (still a big number for me, working my vibe towards higher numbers of approaches). She was wearing all black, so I opened her by comparing her to a large black candle. She stood very close to me, and my vibe was upbeat (if a bit tired). I quickly found out that she was a tourist, and it was the last day of her visit, so I would have to try to make it an SDL (which, with only one lay under my belt, seemed like a titanic endeavour). She seemed very keen, inviting me to join her at the museum, which I rejected at first, instead taking her instagram and talking about meeting her later that day.
Joining up with my wing, and telling him about the set, he strongly encouraged me to shoot for an SDL, so I messaged her that I'd join her at the museum (I know that it was needy, but she seemed very on, and I'd told her I would meet a friend later, and in fact I had a date lined up later that day with a Mexican girl). I messaged my date and asked her if she could meet up a bit earlier (a good flake check), sort of hoping she would flake on me, while I walked toward the museum. Once there, I tried to find Miss Candle, but she was already inside the museum. I contemplated buying a ticket, but decided that it would be too needy, and instead decided to check out the logistics around the area.
Searching for good bars, I received a flake text from the Mexican girl, causing me to feel an emotion that I had never felt before—an odd sense between an inner sigh and an inner fist-pump. Bingo. The SDL-attempt was on. I did two more approaches, found a bar, ordered a beer, and told Miss Candle where I was.
She joined me half an hour later, asking me where my friend was; my response being something along the lines of "he's probably with a girl somewhere". Started off with random chit-chat about exercise, travel, interest etc. while I amped up the kino. At some point she looked at me and told me that she was only seeing me as a friend, to which I replied with the old Ross Jeffries line "I don't like putting relationships between people into boxes like that, but I promise that if anything ever happens between us, it will be comfortable, and we will be willing and ready" Strauss 2005 p. 52 (praise the lineage of players before me handing down their wisdom). She laughed and we carried on with the conversation.
After a while I bounced her to another bar, where we continued the conversation and I amped up the kino, laying my arm around her. I tried to kiss her (thrice), each time she rejected it with a laugh, and I told her each time I would try again, to which she just giggled and continued with the conversation. She knew about the questions game, so we played it, her being doubting my answer of having had 4 girlfriends and 8 sexual partners in total, believing I was understating the number (the real number being 2 girlfriends and 1 sexual partner).
I was really enjoying being honest with her about my intentions in a way I had never been before with a woman—she knew exactly where we stood, I had exactly communicated to her what I wanted, and that we were engaged in the playful dance of seduction and resistance. Glorious.
Around 22:00 she wanted to meet up with a friend of hers at a club, and I was enjoying her company so much that I walked to the club with her, talking about bisexuality, the beauty of middle-Eastern women, how she saw sex as something to do for fun, similar to exercise (major green flag!) and me possibly visiting her in Barcelona. Once at the club, I decided it was not going to lead anywhere, and when her friend arrived, I told him I'd been unsuccessful at seducing her, and hopped on public transport back home.
This encounter held major lessons for me: Escalating is much easier after a successful session of daygame, and alcohol makes escalating much easier; being honest about what you want and expressing those desires is awesome and can earn you major respect (making you seem much more like a player); and I got a good feel for what verbal escalation feels like. It felt like I finally got the ticket to the antechamber of the secret society.
I do not plan on visiting her in Barcelona (she responded positively to a ping the next day), because I don't like traveling, but even without any further interaction, this is my current favourite encounter from daygame.
Noticing the weird pack of straw (?) she was carrying in her backpack, I gave myself an internal push and as soon as the light turned green I ran after her. I told her she reminded me of images of farmers with hay on their backs, and then told her that that was in contrast with the light blue coat she was wearing. Her voice was flat, but when I trailed off and had nothing to say, she hooked nicely and asked me some questions (I don't remember what we talked about in set). I was unsure whether she was nervous: she was scratching an open bleeding sore on her upper lip, which kind of irritated me (but hey, I'm not free from sin in that regard, and she was cute).
I think she was mildly surprised when I pulled out my notebook instead of a phone for her to write her contacts down, after which I talked for a minute or two more and then we parted ways. In retrospective, I should have taken for an instant date, but it was not on my mind (I hadn't and still haven't been on an instant date before) and I was hungry for more approaches, plus I wanted to meet up with my wing. Still, the opportunity was there and I should have taken it.
After less than a handful of texts from my and her side, with some light teasing, I asked her out for drinks, which she declined, but immediately suggested two alternative dates (this girl had clearly read Mr. V 2020).
Before meeting, I did two unsuccessful sets, according to the lessons about escalation I'd learned from the encounter with Miss Candle, both of them leading nowhere, but still priming me to be more assertive.
She turned up punctually, and I first took her to a French-style café where we chatted for an hour, revealing that she didn't have a clear direction in life, having finished a masters degree she wasn't interested in, now before a job, and without any significant hobbies except "taking baths and watching movies". I then bounced her to the second venue, a bar near to where we had initially met. On the way I did some light kino (guiding her with my arm around her waist, touching her shoulder & hands), and in the bar I chose a seat so that she could only sit next to me (and not in front of me—crucial for escalation). I amped up the escalation a bit, touching her a bit more, doing the questions game routine, talking about past relationships and sexual fantasies, as well as creating a bubble around us by guessing what the other people around us were doing. The beer was leading it along nicely.
At some point in the questions game she asked me how nervous I was feeling, and I told her (truthfully) that I wasn't feeling very nervous (saying it was a 1.5/5). On my question whether I appeared nervous to her, she said yes (which surprised me, because I was genuinely not feeling very nervous, this being my second date that week—misperception on her or my part, or simply a shit test?)
I tried not to invest too much by being silent for longer stretches, which I didn't completely succeed at, but was better at than my previous dates.
I'd already put my arm around her earlier, and in a round of the questions game asked her whether she wanted to kiss me, the answer being an awkward pause and a “maybe later”. I of course took this as an excuse to lean in and kiss her, and she reciprocated (I think she liked the boldness). I of course made sure to pull back first, and continued chatting away, with intermediate spiking and make-outs. My first brazen attempt and success at a kiss close in a public place, yay!
At some point I told her to sit down next to me instead of on her chair, which she did without any remark or complaint. I think this indicates that she was in my frame? I don't remember whether this was before or after I'd already kissed her.
3 hours into the date she asked me whether we could go to my place — apparently I had done a good enough job at escalation that she had decided to sleep with me (or she is just very promiscuous). I told her that we could go after we'd finished our drinks, and used the old Torero line: That nothing could happen between us before marriage because I was a good Christian boy, but she could tuck me in. She was genuinely shocked and unsure whether that was true, but I laughed & amplified enough that she got the irony.
Because I was stingy and thought she would be okay with public transport, I decided not to call a taxi, and we took public transport to my place.
We both got a glass of water, and carried on making out. After maybe 5 minutes, I physically picked her up and carried her into my room (her remarking on it when seeing my dumbbells—I had earlier stressed the importance of exercise in my life). We carried on making out, and nothing else happened that night.
People always says this, but it's different to personally observe: Yes-girls are out there, and if you approach them & escalate more smoothly than a rauk, they want to go to your place and do naughty stuff. Having observed this, and having a dim idea of how to pull off a decent approach and what the topology of non-bad escalation might look like, I now have a semi-repeatable process under my belt that can be practiced. Not quite the kenshō of daygame (what would that be, an SDL?), but perhaps the udayabbaya ñana?